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 The Girl who danced among the ravens

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Tara
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Nombre de messages : 230
Age : 30
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Date d'inscription : 20/06/2005

MessageSujet: The Girl who danced among the ravens   Ven 24 Aoû à 19:09

Premier texte dans la douce langue anglaise Maintenant, à savoir ce que ca vaut

First episode : The Girl who danced among the Ravens

Leino Anara was a thirty-year old man. He was not very attractive and not very clever, but he was a good man.
Leino had a little sister --an adopted sister. He loved her. He considered her as his sunshine, his star in the darkness of the night. She was everything for him.
But his sister grew up. she was no longer a little girl. And she regurlarly left home without say anything. Leino did not know where she was or what she did. And this scared him. He was afraid for her.
When the moon rose in the sky, he lighted an unique candle and he put it on the edge of the small window. He thought the candle was as the light in the lighthouse. And he imagined his home was a real lighthouse only for his sister.

His beloved sister had to can see the light to know where the house was.
Then, he went to bed and prayed to God to safe her life and to tell her how he loved her and that he wanted her to come back home.
He often woke up near his bed still prayed God, but she was not at home.

Never.

Leino was not like those men. He did not think that dignity was the most important thing in the world. So Leino regularly cried. He stood straight, in the middle of the room and nobody could say he was crying without looking him face to face. But his tears really fell on the dusty floor.
Why was he crying ?
He's crying for his sister, because he missed her, and because he thought she came back to stop him crying. So he cried again and again, but she never came babe home to put him in her arms, to consolate him.

No, she never came back home.


*** Children of Life
Children of Death. ***


this morning, Leino woke up sweating. He did the most awful, the most terrible of all dreams. He was frozen stiff so he tightened the rough blanket on his naked shoulders.
around him, there was no noise. Even the birds no longer sang. He was afraid, very afraid.
He stood up and looked in the small house, he called her name, he ran around the house, inside, outside, but there was no one else excpeted him.
His eyes were full of tears and his cheeks were red because of the effort, but he could not stop to search her. Not yet. Not after his awful dream.
He took his stick and his bag and ran on the yellow path.
He was frightnened but he would never abandonate his sister or anyone else who would need help.




***


In this world, there was a girl. A strange girl. She had white hair and black eyes and she spent her time to sing and dance in the grass. People told that she danced for the dead men, the dead soldiers and dead villages.
She danced among the ravens, she danced among the corpses. she danced and she sang.
And her song was the most beautiful song which ever existed on the earth. Even the birds' songs were not as beatiful as hers. And when she sang, all of the animals stop to do noise. So she sang in the complete silent. In a dead silent.
People told she was not afraid by death and by life. People told she could smile to the corpses. People told she never cried.
Never.
People thought she had no heart, no feelings. In fact, she was nothing else than a dancer. A dancer for Death. And, after all, no one could tell he met her, because nobody could see her. It was what they thought.

One day, Turis Toll lowly walked on the yellow path which linked Raveny to Petris. As everyday, he was lost in his mind. He was fallen in love with the young and pretty Sonia but he did not how told it her. He imagined again and again he was before her and he spoke her with self-assured and virility. In his dreams, she fell in love with him when she saw him for the first time, but dreams were not reality and he left to hide himslef as soon as he saw her.
But he was certain that the next time would be the good one.
With a smile, he continued his way when a wild wind rose. The dust flew in the air and during a moment, he was blinded.
When he could see again, he saw a light on the path. He ran to that but he discovered the light was not one. It was a girl. A very pretty girl. Her white dress reflected the rays of sunshine. And she danced. Her white hair flew around her. And she sang. Her voice was so clear and so pretty, and so ...

Turis was crying. Tears silently down on his cheeks and fell on the dusty floor.
When the girl saw him, she stopped dancing and singing. She came toward him as she flew. Her feet seemed not to touch the path. With her long and thin hand, she dried his tears and she smiled him.
He smiled her. He felt so glad, so fine...
Oh wonderful feeling it was !

As she turned back from him and left him on the path, he knew he had met an angel. Not any angel, of course. she was The Girl who Danced among The Ravens.


Turis Toll fell on the yellow path. He no longer thought to Sonia. He saw again and again his angel, his wonderful and so pretty girl. And when his eyes closed themselves, he was so glad to see the Death, because it was the most beautiful thing he was ever seen in his all life.

****


Dernière édition par le Sam 25 Aoû à 23:15, édité 1 fois
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Acyella
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Date d'inscription : 08/09/2005

MessageSujet: Re: The Girl who danced among the ravens   Ven 24 Aoû à 22:31

Un bel effort que voilà!
Et une grammaire parfaite apriori, (après je ne suis pas une super pro de l'anglais mais jme débrouille).

Je crois que j'aurai préféré l'avoir en français ce texte; et puis quelques images un peu communes m'ont un peu renvoyé à un anglais trop "collé" au français...Tu vois ce que je veux dire?

En fait ce que je veux dire c'est que pour écrire en anglais, il faut rechercher certaines expressions qui sont plus jolies à lire pour un anglophone que de la traduction sur du français.
Mais autrement, j'aime beaucoup 'univers que tu as présenté, j'aimerai lire une suite!

En tout cas, merci et bravo pour l'effort!

PS : Lis tu de la littérature anglaise? (ou textes américains?) Parce que si tu veux écrire en anglais ça peut être un sacré coup de pouce , je te demande mais il me semble que tu fais des études qui te font lire en anglais, donc ma question va peut être te paraitre idiote Very Happy

au fait, une petite faute de frappe ou d'inatention :
"He crying for his sister">>> He's crying for his sister


Dernière édition par le Dim 26 Aoû à 0:07, édité 1 fois
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Tara
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Nombre de messages : 230
Age : 30
Localisation : là où vous ne m'attendez pas ...
Date d'inscription : 20/06/2005

MessageSujet: Re: The Girl who danced among the ravens   Sam 25 Aoû à 23:16

oups, merci pour la faute !

Pour les expressions, je sais, je fais des études d'anglais et devine quoi, je suis nulle ne thème! donc, c'etait pour faire un effort, je me disais que si j'écrivais en anglais, ca m'aiderai un peu à voir là où j'ai de serieux problemes !

En tout cas, merci pour ton commentaire, je retravaillerais mon texte quand j'aurais le temps ... Smile
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